Miss KF If You're Nasty
by Luna del Cielo
Summary: There is more than meets the eye to Miss Kitty Fantastico. As lives are threatened, will the Scoobs come to their senses?
1. Faking It Like a MiddleAged Housewife

Faking It Like a Middle-Aged Housewife

**Summary: **There is more than meets the eye to Miss Kitty Fantastico. As a life is threatened, will the Scoobs come to their senses?

**Timeline: **Season 4. It's been a while since I watched it but I think (and if I'm wrong then oh well, I am changing bits of canon) this is after Willow & Tara began dating, the Scoobs knew Tara, but no one knew they were gfs just yet.

**Challenge: **Miss Kitty Fantastico Bash Fic Challenge 

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A Mr. Joss Whedon does and if he is reading this right now I would gladly trade my teenage brother for the copyright to Buffy. Joss: Think about it ;)

**A/N: **This Challenge is sooo ridiculous – I mean, a cat bashfic? Automatically I wholeheartedly approved! And as I read it over the wheels of my twisted mind began turning. And as we know, that road only leads to chaos…

MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty

She paced back and forth in her little cage as the fur rose along her spine. How dare those foul Humane Society volunteers place her in some eighteen by eight inch container? So what if she had attacked a wicked pigtailed and pug-nosed little brat with her claws of death? The foolish child should have known better than to yank on her tail!

Being a cat, for lack of a better phrase, sucked most of the time. She had been in this prison for a month and if she didn't get out of her and solve her furry little problem then she was screwed.

That was why, when in walked two woman, she vowed to place nice – she needed to get out of this hell hole.

One of the women, with dark blond locks that fell in her face, was giggling at one of the kittens on the floor who was playing with a toy mouse. She grabbed her friend by the hand, who had flaming red hair that flipped above her shoulders, and pointed out the ridiculous suck up kitten who was now rubbing himself against their legs.

_'Skanky brown-nosing bastard,' _she thought with disgust. _'Two can play that game.' _

With that she began letting out a keen wail of pain and misery that had the gullible women flocking to her cage like pigeons to breadcrumbs.

Mmmm, pigeons.

With an annoyed shake of her head, she reminded herself to focus and carry on in a pitiful manner that quickly had the women opening up the cage and picking her up. Within minutes of her purring, licking, and clutching their shirts, she had them wrapped around her finger.

A victorious feeling coursed through her veins as the redheaded pixie nuzzled her nose and adamantly declared:

"We'll name her Miss Kitty Fantastico!"

"Tara! You here?" Willow called tentatively as she opened the door to her girlfriend's dorm room.

Wow – girlfriend. Sometimes she was still shocked by thinking that. Yet, as much as it still shocked her in that 'hey that's different and still so different I can't quite get to fesssing up to my friends!', the statement felt inherently _right. _

With a tired sigh – Professor Walsh had assigned a ton of reading that Willow had just finished – she tossed her book bag on the ground. As her eyes swept the floor Willow was surprised to see Miss Kitty Fantastico diving under the bed. Puzzled, Willow eyed the place where she had been and noticed several magic books strewn on the floor.

"That's weird," she mused out loud as she began putting the books away. "Tara's usually so neat." Then she glanced under the bed and giggled. "Unless you're the one reading the magic books, Miss Kitty Fantastic?"

In a sudden movement Miss Kitty Fantastic leapt up into Willow's arms and began purring fervently. Willow couldn't help but giggle at her silly kitty and quickly petted her tiny body as it vibrated with each contented purr. They had owned her for several weeks now and it was clear that Miss Kitty Fantastico was the best choice that day in the animal shelter. She was a sweet, docile creature and highly affectionate – everything a person could want in a pet.

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As she purred, Miss Kitty Fantastico felt like a middle-aged wife having to fake yet another orgasm for a clueless and bothersome husband. As Willow stroked her – which, alright, did feel rather nice – she fumed silently about how the witch had nearly caught her in the act. Typically this was the period of time where she was alone but of _course _just as she was getting close to finding the spell Willow would have to walk in!

It took every will of her being not to claw the woman's green eyes out and snack on them for lunch.

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"Oh, she's so cute," Willow beamed at Tara as they began the walk up to Giles' front door. "Where did you ever find that little bonnet?"

"Pet store," Tara answered with a twinkling smile. "I saw it and thought that something so fantastic was destined for Miss Kitty Fantastico."

Willow giggled as she held the cat travelling crate aloft and peered at her cute kitty who was decked out in a pink and white polka dotted hat that was strapped underneath her chin. It was unfortunate that she looked so sour about her make-over but Willow knew that Miss Kitty Fantastico would come to appreciate it someday.

"Hey everyone!" Willow called cheerfully as she pushed open the door. Anya and Xander were cuddling on the couch, Buffy was munching on some chips, and Giles was sipping a drink that Willow suspected was alcoholic – the former watcher seemed to be taking this 'Man of Leisure' thing pretty darn seriously.

"Hey," they all greeted Willow and Tara. Well, except for Giles who as a British man was unable to utter such a modern and abbreviated greeting.

"Good afternoon Willow and Tara. Is this your feline that you were speaking about the other day?"

"Yuppers!" Willow grinned madly as she set the crate on the counter. "Tara and I got her a month ago and she is seriously the cuuuuutest little thing you ever did see. Her name is Miss Kitty Fantastico."

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Miss Kitty Fantastico? That _is_ super cute but isn't it kind of long? Can I call her Miss KF?"

"Miss KF if you're nasty!" Xander sang out. Upon seeing four bewildered looks he shrugged. "What? A man can't listen to a little Janet Jackson every once in a while?"

Shaking her head with a smile – Xander really did have the most random pop culture knowledge – she asked, "Wanna meet her?"

"I am pleased to see any pet of yours as long as it is not a bunny," Anya said with a solemn nod. "In fact, I rather like cats. They eat bunnies, did you know?"

Willow and Buffy exchanged a bemused look – Neither of them were used to the weirdness of Anya and both were unsure about her role in Xander's life. She was just so… _odd._

"You don't like bunnies?" Tara said with a small frown.

Anya's eyes widened dramatically. "Are you kidding? They are evil creatures with dastardly long ears and shady, beady little eyes."

Willow couldn't be sure, but it sounded like Giles was muttering under his breath, "Figures that a bloody vengeance demon would be frightened of little furry rabbits."

"Well good thing we do not own a bunny," Willow answered as she threw a discreet wink towards Tara.

"Come on, I want to see the kitty!" Buffy said with glee. "Ever since I heard the story about Angel and that puppy I've always been too paranoid to get a pet. Therefore, I must get vicarious pet ownership through you two."

Willow laughed. "No problem, Buffy."

Unclasping the crate door she called out her cat in a soothing voice. "Come on out Miss Kitty Fantastico." The black and white speckled cat crept out slowly as her eyes blinked to focus in the bright light. "Come on, I want you to meet Xander, Anya, Buffy, and Giles."

Upon hearing the last two names, Miss Kitty Fantastico's shackles rose and she hissed venomously. Before Willow could even make sense of her reaction, Miss Kitty Fantastico was leaping towards Buffy's face with outstretched claws.

**TO BE CONTINUED….**

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**A/N: **

Just who IS Miss Kitty Fantastico and why does she hate Buffy & Giles? Coming up next!

Not sure if this is a bash fic yet… but I *think* it might qualify… You can let me know when all is said & done!

If nothing else, hopefully it will entertain you ;)

This title was inspired by Janet Jackson's song 'Nasty' - .org/wiki/Nasty_(song)


	2. Maybe It's Mad Kitty Disease?

Maybe It's Mad Kitty Disease?

Willow gasped as Miss Kitty Fantastico lunged for Buffy's face with outstretched claws. The battle-hardened slayer moved quickly out of the way and Miss Kitty Fantastico landed instead on Giles' couch – on her feet, like all cats do. The hissing began in earnest as the cat eyed both Buffy and Giles with a look of deep seated anger.

"Whoa! What is this – Mad Kitty Disease? Willow, what's the deal with your cat?" Buffy demanded in a shocked tone.

"Are there any crop circles around? Maybe the cat went crazy just like the dogs in _Signs_," Xander offered in a light tone as he looked at the cat in confusion.

"Oh! Well then we can just dump a glass of water on it, right honey?" Anya offered eagerly.

Xander gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Excellent job, Ahn. Your pop culture skills are vastly improving."

"Well it is true that my knowledge is limited but considering that our sex only lasted during the first half of that movie I was luckily able to view the alien fight part," she said with a winning smile as she swung her fist in the air.

"Could we please get back onto the topic of why Willow and Tara's feline seems to have an intense dislike of Buffy and I?" Giles asked dryly.

"Miss Kitty Fantastico!" Willow said in a tone that would make a mother proud. "You should be ashamed of yourself! What are you trying to do?"

The cat's ears raised slowly from its flattened position as she drew her attention back to her mistresses. She lowered her head, laid a paw across her nose, and mewed a mournful tune.

"Oh, look! She's sorry! See, she didn't mean it, Buff!" Willow said in a pleading tone as she scooped up the apologetic cat.

"Didn't mean it? Will, she tried to tear my face up!" Buffy exclaimed.

"Yes, that was most peculiar. Where did you say you obtained her?" Giles asked as he cleaned his glasses.

"Th-the Hu-humane Society," Tara answered shakily with a frown. "They said she had a few anger-management problems with children but she's always so swe-sweet with us."

Willow glanced at Tara out of the corner of her eye. It pained her heart whenever she heard Tara stutter – she hoped that someday soon her girlfriend would feel more comfortable around the Scoobies.

A smile played along the edges of Giles' lips. "Well Buffy can be rather immature at times," Buffy tossed a glare towards him, "but I cannot see why she would confuse Buffy with a child."

"Well, she is rather short," Anya offered. "There are lots of kids her size!"

When Buffy's glare was redirected towards Anya, Xander told her softly, "That's what we call a not-helpful response, Ahn."

"Maybe the cat is evil," Buffy offered as she inspected Miss Kitty Fantastico; now safely locked in her cage.

"My cat isn't evil!" Willow countered quickly. "Don't even think about slaying her!" Tara looked very taken aback that cat-slayage could possibly be on the menu.

"You never know what could be evil, Will. I mean, my ex-roommate, my ex-boyfriend, Snyder," Buffy shrugged with a thoughtful expression.

"May-maybe w-we should go back home, um, to the dorms," suggested Tara. "It might be good to take Miss Kitty Fantastico home."

"Yeah," Willow agreed as she glanced at her friends. "That sounds good."

**MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty**

Miss Kitty Fantastico paced frantically while Willow and Tara slept that night. This was no good, no good at all. The last thing she needed was for _those two_ to interfere with her plans. It was glaringly obvious that her plans would need to proceed immediately – screw the preparation time. She needed to fix her problem.

Not to mention that she needed to see that Buffy Summers and Rupert Giles got what they deserved.

**MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty**

"What's the matter babe? Why are you so tired?" Tara asked Willow in a concerned voice as she brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ears.

"I dunno," Willow said with a yawn. "It's really weird."

"Yeah, I've been tired too all this past week," Tara added as she flopped back onto the bed. "Maybe we're just getting old."

"Tara! We're only eighteen," Willow countered with a smile and a roll of her eyes.

"True, but we are overworked Wiccan college students," Tara added with a grin.

"Or maybe we're just getting sick. We did see everyone at Giles a week ago. Maybe someone has the flu?"

"Maybe," Tara shrugged halfheartedly. Then she smiled coyly at Willow. "So if you're tired, do you think you are too tired to…" she trailed off.

Willow's eyes lit up in anticipation. "Oh no, not that tired," she hurriedly edited her remark as a slow smile spread on her face.

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Miss Kitty Fantastico sighed happily as she curled next to the warmth emanating from the heater. Her attempts each night to slowly siphon the magic out of the lesbian witches was working wonderfully. Ever since her transformation years ago she had lost all of her magic but now she was beginning to feel her old strength again. It buzzed through her body and rejuvenated her significantly.

Of course, she still needed to get her body back.

But no matter – that would happen soon enough. Once she was able to twist at least one of the witches to her side she could get them to perform the spell and then she would be free! She would no longer be Ms. Kitty Fantastico. No, after these long years she would finally return to her true self.

But first she needed to get that Buffy bitch out of her way before she spoiled her well-laid plans again. Glancing backs towards the sleeping women, Miss Kitty Fantastico then stared at the doorknob and willed it to move. Slowly it turned to the right and the door creaked open. Before too much light could spill into the room she ran out and made her way towards Buffy's dorm room.

**MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty**

Willow kissed Tara good-bye the next morning and practically skipped all the way back to her dorm room. It was very early – seven in the morning – and she wanted to get back before Buffy noticed that she was gone. A lot of times Willow made up excuses about falling asleep in the library or crashing on Tara's futon but she knew it was getting old. Still though, she couldn't bring herself to tell Buffy just yet.

Silently as possible, Willow unlocked her door and crept into the room. Luckily, Buffy looked to be asleep and she breathed a sigh of relief. The slayer was laying on her stomach and her blond hair spilled across the pillow.

Willow frowned as her eyes realized something was wrong with the picture. Taking a step closer she squinted before gasping as she realized what exactly was wrong.

Buffy's pink comforter had a trail of blood spreading across it.

**To Be Continued…**


	3. Making with the Machiavellian Manipulati

Making with the Machiavellian Manipulation

Dread spread slowly through her body like warm molasses as she stood, transfixed, at the sight of blood on Buffy's bed. Quickly she shook herself free of her stupor and rushed towards the bed shouting Buffy's name. First her index and middle finger swept towards the side of her neck as she felt for a pulse. After one minute she pulled back her fingers, now wet and sticky with cold blood, and stared open-mouthed at the body in shock.

There had been no pulse. Buffy was… dead?

Eyes brimming with tears, Willow moved listlessly to grab the phone. However, her action was interrupted by the most unlikely person.

"Whatcha doin', Will?"

Willow froze at the sound and slowly pivoted to face the voice. The phone slipped from her fingers where it crashed loudly against the floor as she stared in shock. "Buff-Buffy?" she rasped, her words barely escaping the confines of her mouth due to an overwhelming amount of grief, shock, and rising hope.

"Willow, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Buffy asked in concern as she rushed over towards her. The blond was wearing jeans, calf-high boots, and a black top – patrolling clothes, Willow realized.

"Did Laura scare you? When I left about three I found her in the hallway locked out of her room and told her that she could crash here since I knew I'd be out late with this nest I was looking for." Buffy's eyes were drawn to the subject of her words and the slayer's eyes widened in surprise. With a sudden movement she went to the bed and rolled the girl over before jumping back in surprise. Laura, their across the hall neighbor, had her throat ripped out on Buffy's bed.

"What happened?" Buffy asked Willow in alarm.

"I don't know," Willow shook her head. "I just got back. I-I thought it was you," she gave Buffy a mournful look that was tinged with relief.

Buffy swallowed heavily as she squeezed her best friend's hand. "I'll call the police," she informed her in a voice deadened by guilt. After all, it did not take a detective to see that the murder in Buffy's bed had not been meant for Laura.

**MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty**

Miss Kitty Fantastico played comically with a ball of string that managed to wrapped itself loosely around her body as she swatted at it on the floor of Tara's room. Her carefree antics covered up dark and malevolent thoughts as she listened intensely to Willow and Tara's low voices.

"And you say her throat was ripped out?"

"Yeah," Willow informed her glumly. "But the weird part is the door was still locked."

Tara rested her head on Willow's shoulder in a sign of comfort. "Does Buffy know what did it?"

Willow paused. "Well, she doesn't _know_ but she," Willow's eyes glanced at Miss Kitty Fantastico before she met Tara's. "She thinks it's Miss Kitty Fantastico."

"What?" Tara exclaimed in a hushed whisper of surprise.

Willow nodded her head fervently. "I know, crazy! I mean, sure she has claws but they are just cute kitty cat claws – I can't see them doing that kind of damage. Plus, she's our kitty! Totally normal and loveable – no way would she try to kill Buffy. And she was locked in our room last night!"

Miss Kitty Fantastico felt the unwelcome warmth of two sets of eyes watching her every cute move.

"Well, she did try to attack Buffy at Mr. Giles' house," Tara said after a thoughtful moment.

"Tara! Don't tell me _you_ agree with Buffy? That's crazy. She was just angry at being cooped up, nothing more," Willow countered passionately.

Tara nibbled delicately on her lower lip. "I don't know, Will. Maybe we should, um, do a diagnostic spell and just double check that she's only a cat."

Using a well-practiced move, Miss Kitty Fantastico caught Willow's eyes and _pushed_ a thought at her before returning to her game of unravel the ball of string.

"No, Tara. She's just an innocent 'lil kitty. We don't need to do a spell on her," Willow stated with a resolute 'Resolve Face'.

Tara's long lashes brushed her skin as she blinked in surprise. "But Will, it really won't be too hard. I'm sure there is something we can find at the Magic Shop to help us."

"No, Tara. No spells, okay?" Willow stated strongly.

Her head lowered, Tara frowned as Miss Kitty Fantastico leapt into Willow's lap and began rubbing her face against the girl's hand and purring. As she gazed at their cat something felt wrong to Tara… Because the cat was giving her a Cheshire grin that made the hair on her arms stand up straight.

**MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty MissKF-IfYourNasty**

Several days later an upset Tara was browsing the various dishes in the dining hall as she searched for some comfort food that would calm her nerves. Grimacing to herself she quickly picked up some fried chicken and an extra big slice of chocolate cake before heading to the register. As she looked for a place to sit she saw Buffy waving her hand wildly as she sat at a table with her boyfriend, Riley. Surprised, Tara glanced behind her before she realized that Buffy was trying to get _her_ attention. Suddenly feeling like a little girl on the first day of school, Tara walked slowly over towards their table as an overwhelming amount of shyness crashed within her like a troubled sea.

"Hey Tara! You've met my boyfriend Riley, right?" Buffy greeted her cheerfully.

"Hi Tara," Riley said with a small wave.

"He-hey," Tara said to them both with a small smile. "How are you guys?" Being around Willow's friends was always nerve wracking. Tara was always afraid of making a bad impression because she knew how much they meant to Willow. Plus, Tara was always afraid that if they knew the truth about her and Willow they would hate and judge her.

"So, how are you? You looked kinda glum up there," Buffy inquired as she took a bite of her apple. Although she spoke lightly, Tara could feel here eyes studying her intensely.

"Oh, um, well, I'm okay."

"Just okay? If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I bet I could send you to a shopping spree in Beverly Hills," Buffy said with a raised brow.

"It's just, well, have you seen Willow lately?"

"No," Buffy frowned. "Since our room is a crime scene the university had to move us and we wound up in separate rooms in Stevenson. 'Course, they are both single rooms so that is kinda neat – after Kathy I'm so over random roomies."

"Oh, okay." Tara was nervous about discussing her thoughts with Buffy. After all, she was the slayer. What if it was all her imagination and she needlessly involved Buffy?

"Tara?" Buffy said softly. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, you might think I'm crazy," she began nervously.

"Tara," Buffy said with a smile and a laugh. "You know what Riley and I do for a living – we're kinda hard to surprise."

"Very true," Riley added with a grin.

"Right, well." Tara wasn't sure where to start. "You know Miss Kitty Fantastico?"

"Oh, you mean Miss Kitty Bitchy who tried to claw my eyes out?" Buffy asked with a wry smile. "What about her?"

"I feel like something's different with her. She's normally really sweet but she's been kind of cold and uncaring towards me lately. Like, she never lets me pet her or anything. And I think she's," and Tara paused because this was the 'crazy' part, "I think she's manipulating Willow. In fact, now Willow is keeping Miss Kitty Fantastico with her in her new room. Plus, Willow's been acting really different towards me lately too; she hasn't been answering my phone calls."

"Well that _is_ strange," Buffy frowned. "Especially because Willow hasn't been hanging out with us since we had to move rooms. I just assumed she was with you a lot doing Wiccan things. Why do you think that she's manipulating Willow?"

"I don't know," Tara chewed on her lip. "It's just _weird_ to even think it possible that a cat could suddenly transform into this mean little thing but I just feel like Willow won't listen to any of my concerns. Every time I bring it up she ignores it and then Miss Kitty Fantastico is off purring in her lap."

"I had barn cats on our farm in Iowa. They're odd animals and it really isn't that weird for them to be kind of bitchy, to be honest," Riley inputted thoughtfully.

"Yes, but then again your cats were in Iowa and this is the Hellmouth," Buffy said as a look of comprehension dawned on her face. She turned to Tara. "There is definitely something wrong with that cat, I bet. Maybe she is making with the Machiavellian manipulation and messing with Willow."

Tara raised her eyebrows at the use of such a typical 'college phrase'. Willow always said that Buffy was smart on top of her Valley Girl image – apparently she did pay attention in class.

"Plus, some animal killed Laura and even though the morgue dude said it looked more like a cougar attack – like that would happen," she rolled her eyes, "maybe it was a smaller cousin. So," Buffy added with a look in Tara's direction, "we should take her to Giles and he can examine her?"

"Just as long as you don't slay her. I mean, what if she is just an innocent but bratty kitty? I would hate to do anything ha-hasty," Tara quickly said.

"Gotcha. No kitty slayage until we know for sure if she's evil or not," Buffy nodded with a grim smile. "Now let's go find Willow."

**To Be Continued…**


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